So the labour…

Waters went at 6.45pm at 37 weeks, I was due to be induced a week later! I think with drugs it would’ve bearable but going from 1cm to 9 in a few hours with nothing but a TENS machine and his shoulder to bite on wasn’t ideal. Midwives do an amazing job but I’m going to say it, the one at this point was shit. Left us saying ‘you’ll be ages yet, first baby’ wrong!! Being wheeled to the labour ward with a flannel over my face, trying not to moan was not my finest moment. Then gas and air…well I was excited to try it, had heard great stories – it was crap, no effect at all. Though I enjoyed biting down on it!

4 hours of active labour, being told I’m pushing in the wrong place/not hard enough, contraction drip thingy and I still ended up in theatre. People say you forget the pain, hmmm, mayyyybee. But I will never forget being in the theatre screaming to be put to sleep. A lovely midwife was stroking my hair, while another was pinning my legs down. Even at this point I was thinking may she’d just pop out and avoid all the cuffuffle! Moment of mortification…surgeon pulls back my gown to see my madly overgrown lady garden (I hadn’t seen it for 5 months!!) and was like ‘erm, we’re going to need the shaver’, in a disapproving voice. Even through my agony I wanted to explain myself, she was two weeks early!! I hadn’t prepped myself!!

Next thing I knew I’m waking up in an odd beige room, first thought was where’s my baby next was I’m in sooooo much bloody pain. Other half is there, reassures that’s she’s fine but ‘bloody looks like you’ and all I can think is thank god but owwwwuucchhhh…


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